Grief

I'm struggling, I won't deny it.

The words to describe how I feel... 

I feel a bit lost, not sure where I go from here.

My heart hurts, even though I know Elizabeth and Andy can give you a better life than I can, that might be what hurts.

My need to parent is being met, I have two other children. 

It is very difficult to grieve a person who is still very much alive. 

They say out of sight, out of mind... but I can't stop wondering.

Grief will be a part of my life, forever, since placement.
At times it's overwhelming.
Other times it's a dull ache, consistant in the back of my mind.
Grief for the loss of my child.
Grief for what could have been.
Grief for the memories I'm missing out on.
I know it, I feel it.