This is my story thru adoption, and life after...

Back in November 2018 I made an appointment to get a ultrasound done to see how far along I was at the Pregnancy Resource Center of Salt Lake City. That appointment changed my life forever. The nurse, Sara, I will never forget. After leaving the PRC with all the information educating me about all of my options, I realized I wanted to bless a family with the baby that they dream of having. Since that day I have kept in contact with Sara. I recieved an email asking if I am willing to do an interview for the PRC. I get to share my story 😀

I got my first update since the adoptive family went home.  I am truly blessed to have placed you with such a loving family. It made me happy to hear how well things are going for you now that your home.  You have a lot of people who love you. It was nice to see pictures of you getting to finally meet everyone who was patiently waiting to meet you back home.  You have already been to the beach and rode on a ferry. The whole update made me smile. The biggest thing Elizabeth said that has happened is that you have learned to smile.  I started crying... These are the moments that will always bring tears to my eyes... Not being there to see your 'First time...'  I feel like i have tried and tried to prepare myself mentally and emotionally for the updates... but honestly, is it possible?

I have been trying to get everything put away at the new place. I have a lot of random junk. Well today is another one of them days... I catch myself day dreaming... Its you Georgie. I sit here on my bed typing on my computer hoping that someone else understands.. Last Friday I stopped the mail carrier lady, asking to get my mail out of my mailbox cause I am still waiting for mailbox keys She fills my arms with random ads, mail, magazines, and etc. There was alot of stuff for the previous renters. Well there was one thing that was mine, and that was an update from the agency. Two post cards sealed in an white envelope. Due to that full mail box, the envelope was bent and so was the post cards. It upset me pretty bad. The smallest little things get me in my feelings. Im a work in progress. At the end of the day... I know I made the best decision out of pure love for everyone involved, but cause my mind knows I made such a decision... My heart wont stop wondering! I imagine the...

Since saying bye to Georgie and the adoptive family, I feel like I have lost a piece of me. I'm unsure of the words to describe it. Well I have been holding them in. I moved into a new apartment on June 10, I had been waiting for the day. I had many memories at my old place, I needed a change. My boyfriend Cassidy and my dad were able to move all our stuff in a few loads. I had spent some time packing up my old place and going thru stuff, and after moving the first load, I began to notice I was hurting, physically. I thought it was from moving. I hadn't been that active in a long while. Well it got bad, high fevers, extreme body aches, couldn't lift or move my right lower leg, and vomiting. I gave it a few days, hoping for improvement. Well I called an urgent care near me to see if they took my insurance and found out I had no health insurance. Something clicked inside me and I knew I needed medical attention, i felt horrible. I assumed it was a kidney infection, and it sur...

I seen this poem on a website and it has stuck with me since. How could I feel you kick inside me, How could I watch my belly grow. How could I carry you, give you life, And ever let you go? Because I love you. Why, if it hurt me so badly, Why, if I really do care Why did I place you with somebody else If I know I can’t always be there? Because I love you. When I see you my love, my soul feels light, When I miss you my heart is so sad. When I think of your family I remember again, Why I gave you your mom and your dad. Because I love you. Where will I ever find solace? Where will I ever find peace? Where will I ever find strength to go on? These four little words make the anguish cease, “Because I love you”. What if, one day, you ask me, “why?” What can I ever say What will help you to understand That I placed you, but think of you every day? Because I love you. Who could give you the life you deserve? Who, if that perso...

I'm struggling, I won't deny it. The words to describe how I feel...  I feel a bit lost, not sure where I go from here. My heart hurts, even though I know Elizabeth and Andy can give you a better life than I can, that might be what hurts. My need to parent is being met, I have two other children.  It is very difficult to grieve a person who is still very much alive.  They say out of sight, out of mind... but I can't stop wondering. Grief will be a part of my life, forever, since placement. At times it's overwhelming. Other times it's a dull ache, consistant in the back of my mind. Grief for the loss of my child. Grief for what could have been. Grief for the memories I'm missing out on. I know it, I feel it.

Finally home All my updates are thru the agency... Well I got a text saying you and your family made it home safely. I'm so happy to hear that. I even got a cute picture of you in your crib. I remember when I went to hold you for the first time, I was crying when we were leaving and I asked Elizabeth if I could come see you every week while u were in Utah. I told her I would be so happy the day they are on the plane headed home to her cute little room, living the life I chose for her to have. Well Elizabeth brought that up Sunday at our last visit. She said it stuck with her the whole time they were here. She will continue to keep me updated about medical stuff cause Georgie still has a lot of stuff going on with her. Adoption really is amazing. Thank you Heart to Heart for supporting me and holding my hand every step of the way. Cute little crib Patti- You made the biggest inpact on my life, I could never thank you enough. When I walked thru Heart to Heart's d...